Road Rage
by Encounter Director Rabbi Yisroel Roll
I have a confession to make. I experience road rage when there is a traffic jam. Not just any old traffic jam, mind you, a particular type: when there is an accident at the side of the road and all the cars slow down and "rubber neck" in order to get a glimpse of what happened. There is no other reason for the traffic to tie up, other than people slowing down to look.
This gets me mad. Very. Not because of the delay itself, since I have educational tapes in my car and can use the time to listen, and thereby use the downtime constructively. I get incensed because of the reason for the delay – people simply slow down to gawk at the misfortune of others.
"Not true!" the innocent driver will protest, "I slowed down to see if I could help." Sure. If you really wanted to help, you would have parked your car, gotten out and done something.
The protesting driver is suggesting that he is doing the honorable thing, namely, slowing down to empathize and share in someone else’s pain. He says that he is identifying with the unfortunate circumstances of the person in the accident by slowing down to show that he cares.
What would I have him do, he would ask – drive right past as if nothing happened? Yes. I suggest that by slowing down to gawk, the driver is not sharing his pain or empathizing – he is merely saying, "Poor guy. I’m glad it’s not me." This is far from empathy.
The real way to "empathize" is to translate the feelings of empathy into action. That is really identifying with someone else. Put your money where your mouth is. Talk is cheap. Slowing down to "empathize" at an accident scene is a cheap trick. (Slowing down is actually very expensive for the economy. Imagine all the wasted work hours blamed on "heavy traffic – you wouldn’t believe it!") I think traffic tickets should be given out for all those who stop and stare. It is not enough to show your sensitivity by saying, "tsk, tsk, isn’t that terrible." To share someone’s pain, you’ve got to get down on the floor, hug them, cry with them and see if there is anything you can really do to help.
The source of this idea is in the Torah – in fact, in this week’s sedra. The Torah states, "When Moshe grew up, he went out among his brothers and saw their burdens." Rashi teaches that "Moshe grew up" refers to his physical maturity, and "he went out among his brothers" refers to his spiritual maturity. Moshe did more than merely identify with the pain of his brothers experiencing Egyptian slavery. He acted upon his feelings and he came to the aid of a Hebrew slave who was being beaten by an Egyptian taskmaster. He translated his sympathy into "identity".
This is Jewish empathy; acting upon your feelings of compassion by identifying yourself with your fellow to such an extent that you are "one" with him and you can’t help but connect yourself to him.
