REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE
by Encounter Director Rabbi Yisroel Roll
There is a story told of a rabbi who called upon a rich member of his community to solicit funds to buy coal for a poor widow to heat her home in the winter. The rabbi did not make the actual request for the donation until he left the rich man's home and stood outside saying good-bye in the freezing cold. Halacha (Jewish Law) requires a host to escort his guest at least 6 feet outside the door when the guest leaves to give the guest a sense of security and reassurance that the host truly enjoyed his company and is sorry to see him leave. The rich man walked the rabbi out the door without bothering to put on his coat because he thought he would only be outside for a few moments. The rabbi continued small talk with the rich man shivering outside for about six or seven minutes. Then, the rabbi asked for the donation. "Why didn't you ask me while we were inside?" asked the rich man.
"I wanted you to feel what it meant to be cold before you responded to my request," said the rabbi.
The rich man identified in a real way with the widow's predicament - because he felt what she did. He then donated money to buy coal for all the poor people in the town.
Being able to share someone else's pain is an indicator and an ingredient of self esteem. you can only share someone else's pain if you think and feel beyond your own self. If you feel good about yourself, then you need not spend all your time and energy on your "self". Rather, you can begin to reach out to others.
The empathy we are to feel for others is woven into the daily Jewish prayer service. The Jew never prays for himself alone. He prays in plural, i.e. "heal us, bless us, hear our voices..." The source of this idea comes from the Torah in Genesis 20:17. When Abraham and Sarah were unable to conceive a chid, there was an incident where Sarah was abducted by King Avimelech and G-d punished Avimelech and his countrymen with barrenness. Abraham prayed for their recovery and they were healed. The very next verse in the Torah states that "G-d remembered Sarah and she conceived." The eleventh century Biblical commentator, Rashi, comments on this juxtaposition as follows:
"This section [of Sarah conceiving] follows immediately after the section of the recovery of Avimelech's countrymen, to teach us that anyone who requests mercy for his friend, where he himself is in need of the same mercy, he will be answered first."
A rabbi/teacher of mine relates that a woman in his former community in Israel once asked him for a blessing to be able to conceive. He told her that he had no special hotline to G-d, but he suggested that she might pray for his own daughter who had one child many years before and who hadn't conceived since then. She agreed to pray for his daughter and the rabbi asked his own daughter in America to daven for the woman in his own community. A few months later he learned that both were expecting, one month apart. His daughter gave birth two months early and the woman in Israel gave birth two weeks late. Each gave birth to a healthy baby girl - on the same day. Each had prayed for the other, and each was answered first - which happened to be at the same moment.
