Decisions, Decisions
by Encounter Director Rabbi Yisroel Roll
I used to find it difficult to make decisions. Can you relate?
While practicing law, I was actively involved in Jewish community work, including coordinating youth weekends for NCSY (National Conference of Synagogue Youth), organizing one-to-one study centers, and teaching Talmud to various students. I found myself gaining a tremendous amount of personal satisfaction from my community involvement, and I began contemplating taking some time off to pursue my life-long dream of becoming a rabbi.
I agonized during the decision making process, which took approximately three years. A career change was a major life decision, and I wanted to make an informed decision in the best interests of my family. One afternoon at my law firm, the lawyers and legal secretaries were discussing what they would do if they won the lottery. One said he would travel, another said she would buy a country cottage. I said I would take time off and become a rabbi. Charles Markowitz, the senior partner of my firm, turned to me and said: "If you really wanted to become a rabbi, then money would be no object. If it really is your dream, then you should do it."
His comment made me realize that I had something very precious. It revealed to me one of the keys to the decision making process. He empowered me to resolve my dilemma by pointing out one crucial fact: subject to certain life circumstances, I can point myself toward my own destiny, despite challenges like financial considerations. If I really wanted this then I could find a way.
This realization allowed me to release myself from the chains of indecision. It revealed to me a method of resolving the internal anguish and turmoil of inner conflict: namely, that in many cases, I have the power, through my G-d given free will, to plan and to take charge of my own life. This, of course, does not alone guarantee the success of my choices or that I will arrive at what I think is my destination of choice. After some further deliberation, my wife and I decided to take some time off to study in Israel.
The fourth blessing of the Shemoneh Esrei is the request for wisdom: "You graciously bestow man with wisdom...." It is similar to my senior partner making me focus on the fact that G-d has given me understanding and insight in order to exercise my G-d given free will. G-d is our Senior Partner, and He empowers us every day with the knowledge and wisdom to help us clarify the issues -- pros and cons -- which will allow us, in turn, to make informed choices.
