Remember the last time a member of your family asked you to lend them your baseball mit or your car, or to do them a favour? Be honest…What was your first reaction? Did you think “Sure, of course…” or “Why should I…why can’t you use your own?” The question is: How do you choose to respond to the request?

We can learn how to respond, from this week’s Sedra. Hashem tells Moshe to pay back the Midianites for the evil things they did to the Jewish people, by fighting a war against them. Instead of Moshe leading the Jewish people in the battle, Moshe appoints Pinchas to lead them. How could Moshe disobey G-d? Hashem commanded Moshe himself to pay back the Midianites – so why did Moshe choose someone else to do it? The answer is that when Moshe escaped from Egypt after killing an evil Egyptian who was attacking a Jewish slave, Moshe was saved by fleeing to Midian. It was in Midian that he met Yisro and married Tzipporah. So when Moshe heard Hashem tell him to “pay back” the Midianites, of course Moshe felt he could not fight against the people who saved his life! But, since this was a command of Hashem, Moshe appointed Pinchas to lead the battle – for he could not “pour sand in the well that gave him water.”

The words in Hebrew to describe gratitude are “hakaras hatov” – recognition of the good that was done for you. Moshe had hakaras hatov to Midian for saving his life, so Moshe reasoned that, of course, Hashem does not mean that I should lead the battle…that would show a lack of gratitude.

(Can you think of two other times that Moshe showed gratitude by not doing a particular act commanded by Hashem? 1) Moshe did not hit the Nile River in order to commence the plague of blood – because the Nile saved him when he was placed in it in a little ark when he was three months old. 2) Moshe did not hit the ground to commence the third plague of lice, because the ground saved him when he buried the Egyptian in the sand after he killed him.)

The idea of gratitude is necessary to remind us of the good things that others have done for us. When a family member asks us for a favour, which usually involves going out of our way to be nice, and requires special effort we may not feel like making, remember the good things that they have done for you in the past. Try to have hakaras hatov – recognise the good that has been done for you – and then return the favour and do the kindness that was requested. You will be acting like Moshe and following Torah values, and thus become a better person.