Last week my neighbour Howard drove up in a gleaming new Saab Turbo 900 with spoke wheels, a wood interior, and in my favourite colour - racing green. I walked over to him as he was getting out of his new car and, shaking his hand heartily, I said: "Mazel Tov, Howard- Congratulations. It's beautiful. Drive it well and in good health. I am so happy for you!" As I walked back to my own driveway and passed my 1987 beat up, tired, chugging Chevy station wagon, the one with baseball dents and no fender, I said to myself: Why does he deserve a new Saab - I work just as hard as he does. I am a good person - and he is, well, you know... I work longer hours than he does - and I'm working for the community and... Hold it! What about "love your neighbour as yourself", which we find in this week's Sedra? Why do I feel this way? Why am I so bitter?

I have to admit it then - I don't love my neighbour Howard as I love myself. If I did, I would be truly happy for him as I would be for myself...racing green, yet! It had to be racing green! What happened to my sense of brotherly love? Maybe I'm not such a nice guy after all? And then I figured it out. If I'm supposed to love my neighbour as myself, I can only love him as much as I love myself. If I don't love, or even like myself, then I can hardly love or even like Howard, or be happy for his success. If I am not secure in my own abilities, and happy with my own possessions and lot in life, then I can't possibly be truly happy when my neighbour adds an extension to his house, goes on his third (his third!) holiday this year and is putting a sunken kidney-shaped swimming pool in his backyard -what a weird shape!

So it seems that having a low image of myself has ramifications beyond myself. Perhaps my relationships have suffered because I have suffered from this low self esteem. Maybe it's time I began working on my self image and self esteem. It is not easy - it takes an investment of effort. It means erasing old ideas about myself and replacing them with a new self image. This is hard and may require outside professional help. But it also requires an awareness that I have a self esteem problem and a willingness and desire to change it. It is not haughty or prideful to begin to believe in myself - it is essential for healthy functioning and successful relationships.

I really like Howard, now. Really. And I am really happy that he just bought a new country house in upstate New York, you know - the rustic log cabin type that costs more than the one in the city. Truly love him. You know how I achieved this change of heart? I read and integrated the words of the Ethics of the Fathers: "Who is rich? He who is happy with his portion." And just how am I supposed to be happy with my beat up Chevy wagon when Howard is driving racing green? By realising that my portion comes from Hashem. My role in life can be fulfilled with a beat up old car. And not just any beat up old car - my beat up old car. Maybe I need it to maintain humility. Maybe racing green would "go to my head" and make me focus on the wrong priorities in life. Maybe my values and my communal involvements are more important than possessions. But how do I know that I couldn't fulfil my destiny just as well with racing green and a kidney shaped swimming pool?

The answer lies in the famous verse in the Torah - Leviticus 19 - which states: "Love your neighbour as yourself, I am G-d." Hold it! What's this "I am G-d" stuff? I never knew that was part of the verse! It is. It's just that we never read the whole verse. But the verse means that I should love my neighbour as myself because he has "I am G-d" in him. He has G-dliness - goodness and a G-d given mission to fulfil in the world - just as I do. If I can remember that G-d gives each of us a particular, unique mission to fulfil and gives each of us the resources necessary to achieve that mission, then I can be happy for Howard. He's got what G-d has decided he needs to in order to fulfil his mission, and I've got what I need to fulfil mine. When we add G-d to the interpersonal equation, the division of possessions is easier to accept. I can learn to accept my abilities and possessions and to appreciate my special portion in the world. I can even begin to like myself because I have a special contribution to make to the world. Then, and only then, can I start to love Howard, as I love myself.